i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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