If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Randomize
