Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
another moral hangover. fuck.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
