Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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