I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
