It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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