So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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