New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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