Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Green mimosas i think yes
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I enjoy the company of your penis
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
