Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
