Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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