I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
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