i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
