im having a threesome with these popsicles
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
