"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
