When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Congratulations! We have a period
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