seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
