please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
