the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Randomize