Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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