I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
