thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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