I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
