Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
