Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Randomize
