I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Randomize