I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Randomize
