Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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