You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
