his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
