bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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