I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
