She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
