I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
