How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize