I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
