There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
how does that bad decision feel?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
