Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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