Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Define "chronic" masturbator.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
