I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
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