All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
