it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
