so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
