I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
