his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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