Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
