Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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