u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
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