Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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