Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize