Plan B is the new Plan A
wakey wakey hands off snakey
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
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