the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
So gin and wine won't be happening again
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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