This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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