Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
