i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
