For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
