That's when you crack a 10am beer
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
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