the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize