People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
