I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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