My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
