please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
