Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
