He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize