WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
