But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
