So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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