Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
