so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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