and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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