dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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