do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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