dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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