just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
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